The Gonzalez Family Herald

Headlines and commentary from a Northern California family of seven.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Trying to go see a movie

Has anyone ever had an experience like this...

I had Thursday off. Most of it anyway. My wife and I decided early that day that we would go to lunch, and as a surprise to the kids, we would take them to go the movie Cars. So I went to work for a few hours, came home, packed up and off we went to Fuddruckers, home of the largest slabs of beef patties this side of the Milky Way Galaxy.

After ordering $40 worth of massive meatwiches, we set off toward the movie theater. It was about 2:00 PM and the movie didn't start until 2:55 PM. I thought for a second "Maybe we should go get our tickets now so we don't have to worry about it later'. But that idea passed as we walked toward Borders books and a Seattle's Best coffee shop. After spending more money on books and coffee, we made the journey from Borders to the theater. It was about 2:50 (the line at Borders was a nightmare -- it took three forevers and an eternity).

We got to the box office at about 2:55 and I asked for four kid tickets and two adult tickets to Cars. When presented with the cost (a staggering $42) and after catching my breath, I handed the ticket guy my credit card, to which he replied 'We only take cash'. I asked him if there was any place I could use my card, perhaps to buy gift certificates or something. Again, he replied Cash only.

Knowing I had no cash and that the ATM machine in the theater was broken, I asked a manager if there was an alternative to getting some movie tickets since my kids were doing cheerleader dances in the lobby, excited out of their pants that they get to see Cars. The alternative I got was 'Call Fandango'. So I went to a payphone (seeing as I had turned my phone off and left it in the car because it was a family time). The payphone lady on the other end of the line told me that I could not call that number from a payphone. What the &%^?

So I asked my wife if I could user her phone. When I called 1-800-FANDANGOTHISBABY, I got a little reminder from Sprint that we had exceeded our allowable credit limit and that using my cell phone to take my kids to the movies was going to be a bigger catastrophe than I expected. So I walked to my car, got my phone, called Fandango and discovered that the 2:55 showing of Cars was the only showing of Cars in that theater. Since it was past 2:55, Fandango reported that the movie was no longer playing and that I could not get tickets. At this point I am ready to break every cell phone and ATM from here to Egypt.

So I opened my web browser on my phone and searched for theaters showing Cars. You know how many there are? None. Yup, that's right. None. Unless I wanted to go to a different county. N-O-N-E.

Now, the good part. We live in the southernmost part of our county, so going to another county to see a movie is not as crazy as it sounds. In fact, it was about 15 minutes away. So I stopped off at home, bought my tickets on the internet and took my kids to see Cars. It was great... for the older kids. The baby and my youngest daughter were totally not into it and fussed so bad that Mom ended up outside most the time. But the older kids liked it, and so did I.

And now I keep going saying 'Can you hear the thunder? Kuh chigga, Kuh chigga'. You know it baby, Kuh chigga.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006


The second of my two weeks is starting to wind down. Thank God....

Right about now I could use a quiet, four day long nap. Alas, I will be back at work for a few hours tomorrow, then I get some time off. I am so happy!

For now though I am thinking of things to put in this here space. I seem to be drawing a blank. Oh well, maybe I'll go back to yesterday and post about the massive underwear my daughters got. Buhoohaahhaa, that sounds nice.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Chones Grandotes

Man dats sum kayn kyna biug.

My wife went shopping the other day. No condolensces please, she has gotten a lot better. But she came home with some things for our trip to Disneyland we are taking in September. One of those things she got was new underwear for the kids.

NOTE: Before you think weird of me, please understand that this is about the chones, not the kids.
Anyway, my nine year old pulled up her pack, opened them up and shrieked in disbelief 'These things are huge!'. And they were. My wife's response was 'They'll shrink when we wash them.' which they didn't. Nosiree, they are still as large as an English muffin to an ant.

These things remind me of a fumigation tent for a doll house. They are large, full bodied unerbreeches that could potentially double as a hammock for the small size person. Or as a back up canopy top for our gazebo in the back yard. Yes ladies and gentlemen, they are some big chones.

And I wish you could have seen my daughters reaction when she opened them...

Thursday, August 03, 2006

We're going on a date!

Okay, so I know I have been lax in my providing of humorous content upon this site. And I know that soon you will begin to resent me for it. But before you do, remember that swim season just ended last weekend. And that since last weekend I have been on a weird work shedule. And that I am going to continue this weird crazy schedule until I return to my regular schedule on August 21.

So I figured that since I have a few days off at the moment I would use them wisely. What wiser of a way to use a day off than to go out for dinner and a movie with your spouse and your best friends. So tonight, I get to go out on a date. And since my wife is dressed all pretty-like right now, I am putting this stinking machine away and getting ready to have some fun.

See ya!